This to You

when all else fails. First thing - I'm sorry. C'mon u already know my intentions when I opened my mouth. You could judge it by the context before that sentence. And i have already told you absolutely everything i could ever tell a person about my life, the large part being this. i have made it very clear what my priorites are, haven't i. Prioritisation of you has always nagged at the back of my head. haha....we've both gone through rather a lot together haven't we. Union and all that NY crap....its all see-able how much we have contributed towards this friendship. And this girl from NY. Is it worth her to break all these?

My answer to you : NEVER.

I would never have let her to come into my life. If i then were myself now. But i wasn't. And then it all boils down to my fault. Union, why couldn't I have been a normal secondary school student? huh? then i would continue my puny life without all the things i had gone through this year. Without all this spastic crap about HER and her BIRTHDAY PRESENT. HER AND HER DANCE NITE. HER AND HER BLOODY 157 AND 852. HER AND HER BLOODY 9737#@%^. Also, I would not have been in touch with SUST at ALL. No more backstabbing. No more niao-ing and suan-ing. No more oh tingwei u extra business. No Samuel Loh looking at me and giving me looks. Thirdly, No more TANCW and GANTB. Boiling hot down my back. NPCC and iCouncil. You have always known this.

So. Why? Why do i torment myself some more? yes, a few happy moments like the night before CSM when the impending screw ups were gonna come? or was it the GIPOH where i had a treat at Takashimaya and had to rush back and buy water and masking tape? while having tancw nagging by my side? and my talking back?

Cos. Without council, there WOULD be no Mac meeting today. No Kap meeting yesterday. No everyday after school meeting on the fifth floor of block C. No YOU.

I appreciate your effort. Really i do. haha...for that one f-ing outing i was tognue-tied. my fault.np. i do noe your intentions of matchmaking. Thanks. That was THEN. when u had persuaded me to not give up. the rest u noe. and i absolutely hate it when you get influenced by goh and start all this nonsense again. I never doubted you. so there was two 'revivals' but even phoenixes get tired of their lives. I am. infinitely. ha....some kind of hope. And i really dun mind u going for it now. it was juz a joke. a bad one nevertheless, but one that i didn't noe had such an impact. perhaps u would noe how i feel when i felt betrayed at kap. When all friends forsake you and the one last support u have breaks.

and np.....im not taking u to be very wei da or sth....go for anything u would like. true friends do not restrict you on wad u can or cannot do. especially when it does not affect them. yah....im not skeptical about our friendship....just felt very ironic at today's turnout.

If it can appease anyone, I'm a bastard. How else can i relate myself yo be such a failure? You noe my four criteria for rating myself. My four criteria i am working towards. I failed. Terribly. It juz goes to show how much more time can support me before i can fall. That'll be the day.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to harm you in union and stuff. Friends 4eva still?

And sorry mum....i'll mop the floor afterwards i swear.

sorry mother earth for holding such a piece of useless trash.

sorry myself for being myself...